its been a while. i know im suppose to sleep now but i cant. i have a few relationship problem, which i realised it myself.

Communication : hard to communicate w bf - i have to explain v single details bits to him and sometime he still might not understand, and i vomited blood and decide not to continue my topic. sometime, he asked me the most weird qns and i vomited blood. according to him its communication by asking more

when i was with Past - we can talk everyday without fail. laugh at each other. just like best friend. understood everything that we talk about.

Understanding : i dont really understand him... need to be tested to know what i didnt know. he can read me like 1,2,3

when i was with Past - we read each other like books. i can tell u what epic moment he might do. i remember we used to go skin center for his checkup, he was wearing this "smurfy" shoe covered while talking to the receptionist, i told dad that "he confirmed will forget to take out the cover." i can be fortune teller of his next step. etc

PDA : he's fan of PDA, but he tried to minimise it knowing i dont fancy it.

when i was with Past - i dont rmb us doing lot of PDA but do have cheeky moment.

time frame of the relationship : 1yr2mths - i hate to say this but it felt long..................

when i was with Past - 3yrs 8mths - damn fast.

i felt more in love with Past when i was in a relationship than with Bf relationship even though he treated me so damn well.

there was a couple of time i woke up scaring myself, cos i dreamt of Past. i consoled myself "Things is not gonna be the same again." i know thats not a good signs. i wish i can forget about my relationship with Past but it was something really special to me. its kinda hard when everytime i try very hard to erase my memorizes, it keeps pouring in more.

there's alot of things im keeping it to myself. i dont wanna seem like a stalker, a girl holding on a bottle of naive pasts of memories.

Every xmas reminded me that 2 yrs ago i was at ECP alone waiting for him and he never show up. i still feel the pinch in me.

Every "9" reminded me of the anniversary of the month

gelare reminded me of our waffle date every tuesday

My Hugging Stitch reminded me of long lost Jon/Panda/horse

Me rubbing Eyes reminded me of you knowing that im tired

lotong/surroundeng/ketupat reminded me of your mum's cooking

sleepy smell reminded me of YOU

ETC.

i wish i could tell u how much i still missed being with you. if we ever get together, i promise i would let you down again
i wish i could pass u this jar of heart.but i know its not gonna happen

wrong time right guy
right guy wrong time

at times i feel like giving up on Bf but........im scared i will lost another great man again.

since i dont like to be compared, what the hell am i comparing my Past and Present.
ok, i gotta wake up from my idea *2 tight slaps.